Looking For My Calling

 I'm waiting to board a flight to San Francisco.

Before I left the house this morning, I figured I'd better pick a book to read from my vast collection of half-read titles.

I wanted something to inspire me. I've been feeling anxious about my day job lately. And that anxiety was giving rise to feelings of resignation and a sense of ennui.

Don't get me wrong. Normally I love my job. I work for one of the best employers in the country---probably in the whole world. Indeed, Fortune magazine has rated my employer as the best for the last seven out of 10 years. I work for Google.

All those stories about how cool it to work at Google---free gourmet meals, subsidized onsite massages, 20%-time projects---they're all true. I have nothing to complain about. But am I living up to my potential? Am I doing what I was born to do? Increasingly I've been feeling like I should be doing more, realizing my dreams, my full potential.

But what is my potential? What are my dreams?

I think I want to do more teaching. But teaching who? I want to do some writing. But about what?

One of my half-read volumes should inform me, should lend guidance to my quest. I grabbed a book about using mindful meditation to learn more about yourself. I grabbed three or four books about writing---some deep and introspective, some less so. And I grabbed a book that I had been meaning to finish for quite a while, but I had forgotten about it: The Art of Work: A Proven Path to Discovering What You Were Meant to Do, by Jeff Goins.

THAT was the book I needed! I grabbed and stuffed it into the top of my day pack.

I started reading from the introduction again. I needed to re-frame what Jeff's thesis and themes were---what was his value proposition to the reader. Finding your calling---your vocation in life. Spot on. I kept reading.

The airport shuttle pulled up. We loaded my luggage and I sat in the front, continuing to read.

We got to the airport and I stowed the book long enough to check my suitcase and get through the security screening. Now I'm comfortably enjoying a cup of tea near my gate.

I'm still in Chapter One: Listening to Your Life. Jeff's stories and observations are to poignant. It's almost as if he has been listening in on my thought life.

I feel like my life has stories to tell, stories that will help others navigate the waters of life. I don't claim to be a sage---a wise guru sitting atop a mountain. I feel more like one blind man showing another where to find food.

I don't know where this is going. But I have to make the trip. To find out what my life is saying to me, I have to listen. And I find that one of the best ways to listen to myself is if I let myself speak. So I will be writing more about what I read and what I think and feel. I will be "thinking out loud.

If any of this resonates with you, please leave a comment.  #ThinkingOutLoud